How to support social skills

Autistic people have a social interaction style that is different compared to people who are not autistic. Differences may include:  

• autistic people use non-verbal communication differently for example eye contact
• prefer conversation to be slower-paced, so that they have more time to process what is being said
• preference for talking about their special interests. Autistic people are more likely to talk at length, and take longer conversational turns than a non-autistic person, when talking about the things they are passionate about. The autistic community call this ‘info dumping’
• preference for direct, concise communication. This means it can be difficult for autistic people to understand hints, implied meaning and assumptions, as this is not the way that they communicate
• preference for fact-focused communication. Autistic people may prefer to avoid speculation or gossip. Autistic people can be perceived as “brutally honest” or “having no filter” by non-autistic people
• unstructured social activities such as break time may cause anxiety, as autistic people often prefer structure and routine 
• autistic people may have sensory needs which make it difficult to focus on a conversation. For example, difficulty processing background noise, bright lights, busy environments. Sensory differences can make typical social situations  – such as break times, the dinner hall – too overwhelming to join in
• some autistic people prefer to engage in an activity they enjoy (such as building blocks, reading or gaming) alongside a friend. It may look like they are not communicating with each other, but the autistic person may feel social enjoyment just from being with their friend
• some autistic people prefer online friendships through social media or gaming. 

For many years, it was believed that autistic individuals struggled with social interaction and needed guidance to learn skills like making eye contact, taking turns in conversation, and staying on topic. However, recent research and input from the autistic community have shown that this view isn’t accurate. 

Autistic people communicate in ways that differ from non-autistic people, and that’s perfectly okay. There’s no need to teach them conventional social skills because their way of interacting is not wrong. In fact, encouraging autistic individuals to adopt social behaviours that don’t come naturally to them can cause them to mask their true selves, which may harm their mental health and overall wellbeing in the long run. 

What can we do instead?

The autistic community suggests that society can better support them socially by:

• increasing awareness about the ways autistic people communicate and interact and teaching all children —both autistic and non-autistic—about diverse communication styles.
• embracing and accepting the unique communication and social interaction differences of autistic individuals.
• making changes to the environment to make social interaction easier, for example, by minimising background noise.
• helping autistic children and young people understand their diagnosis and needs so they can confidently advocate for themselves, such as by using tools like communication passports.
• supporting their understanding of non-literal language including understanding meaning, making inferences and interpreting figurative language.
• using visual aids such as ‘Social Stories’ to explain common social ‘rules’—not to change how autistic people behave, but to equip them with knowledge that helps them feel more confident interacting with different people in various situations.
• addressing misunderstandings on both sides through visual methods like ‘Comic Strip Conversations’ that explore everyone’s point of view.
• creating chances for autistic children and young people to connect with peers, especially by encouraging friendships around shared interests, like a Chess club during breaks.
• offering safe spaces where they can have quiet time or manage sensory needs, particularly during unstructured times at school.